We have company coming this weekend so I decided to write this post on Friday. It’s kind of ironic because this day is so bitter sweet for me. It was February 15, 2006 when I decided I didn’t want to be a fat girl anymore. This day is sweet because I worked hard over the next 2 years even through a move from CA to PA and completing a graduate program, I managed to go from 181.6 – 140 pounds. It’s bitter because I am now 203 pounds.
This week had it’s ups and downs but I think I am in a really great place. At the beginning of the week, I challenged myself (and all of you) with trying to change the way I felt and the things I said to my body every time I looked in the mirror. I’m no expert but this seemed like a good place to start this journey. It’s not just about what you put in your mouth or exercise you get. It’s just as much a mental commitment as it is a physical one. Maybe that is where I have been going wrong up until now. I was counting on food and exercise to do all of the work.
As corny as it maybe, I needed to tell myself that I was beautiful and that I loved my body everyday this week. I needed to tell myself this so I stopped blaming my body and started blaming myself. It was hard the first few days but, by the time this morning rolled around, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I wasn’t mad at my body anymore. Now I am not claiming any immaculate miracle here. I am sure there will be a time, or two, or ten, where I find myself with those thoughts over the course of this journey. But for the moment, the blame is where it needs to be.
Today, I celebrated. Not only did I take a shower AND wash my hair (yes honey, you heard me right) but I also styled my hair and put makeup on before P woke up for the day. It was amazing how much better I felt about myself. I won’t have time to do this most mornings but I think I found the first change I want to make. Maybe by getting up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so I can wash my face, putting on some mascara and actual clothes, it will help me make better choices throughout the day. It’s tough staying at home because it feels natural to stay in sweats with your hair in a ponytail. Trouble is, that was the outfit I was usually in for lazy weekends vegging out and snacking all day.
So here I am folks. Mary. A 29 year old stay at home mother to Parker and wife to Rob. A shy but outgoing, creative and caring woman. I am also a fat girl. But that is okay because I love my body and I am going to start making changes. One day, my insides will match my outsides. You will see my beautiful smile any day of the week because I will finally love myself as much as others love me.
How did you all do this week? Was it easy to look in the mirror? Was it hard? I would love to hear about your week and how you are doing! Join in the link up party below or leave a comment!