Iv’e been dealing with an internal battle lately about Caity sleeping in our bed.
It’s so easy to compare her to Parker who was taking 2 three hour naps a day and sleeping 12 hours at night in his crib without much effort putting him down. He was and still is a very good sleeper. I knew I was lucky but didn’t realize how much until Caity was born. I have to keep telling myself she is a different baby. Different personality, wants, and different needs.
I go back and forth almost every day between loving it and wishing she would just sleep on her own. I can’t put into words how amazing it feels to have her sleep next to me. She loves to cuddle and throughout the night she will make sure I am still there by putting her hand or foot on me. It’s even more adorable to watch her scoot over to Rob to cuddle.
On the other hand it’s been over 11 months since I have actually had a full uninterrupted night sleep. It has also taken a small toll on Rob and my relationship. It’s nothing we can’t adapt to, just makes it harder to connect and talk. I am also limited in the amount of time I have in the evenings to do work. Some nights she falls into a deep sleep and I can slip away for a few hours. Other nights she notices the minute I walk away.
On a particularly hard day when I had a lot to get done and Caity wanted me next to her for nap one of my favorite songs came on and it was a good reminder that It Won’t Be Like This For Long. I started thinking about the fact that Caity will only be taking naps for a few years and then she will head off to school. Even at night she won’t want to sleep in our bed forever. Even if she does for a few years that is such a small fraction of her life.
I know one day I will miss it. I will want it back. I will remember all the snuggles we had. I will not remember all the work I didn’t get done. And I will notremember the sleepless nights.
I will remember laying next to this. So calm. So peaceful. So innocent. So precious.